.oO(Sometimes I blur the edges.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 05 May 2009: Sober. I'm listening to Something Corporate and thinking of vodka. I've watched Twilight no less than a million times in the past few weeks. I've been out of the loop and in a funk. I've slept most of the last two days, and most of the end of last week. The weekend was a whirl wind... ups and downs and twists. I haven't been feeling exceptionally well, and I think my constant drowsiness is my body fighting whatever it is off. I want to watch Tombstone... but when I watch Tombstone, I think about Twilight - and when I watch Twilight, I think about Tombstone. I'm becoming a bit gaunt, I think - I'm noticing shadows where I never did before. "She doesn't have a flame, she'd prefer to burn out like a torch - if she gets nowhere in life, at least she knows she's pretty." Something Corporate always reminds me of Kyle, which makes me think of how he found Alicia's Attic for me (I spent nearly three years looking for that album) - which reminds me of Natalie, who bought Alicia's Attic's CD in the first place. Something Corporate also reminds me of 2004, and toasting myself in the bathroom mirror to drink away whatever boys I was crying about at the moment... which reminds me of Mae, since I did the same to their album. The Postal Service. Death Cab for Cutie. Mew (who I also have not been able to find since that summer). I haven't given myself a pedicure in months... when the paint chips, I just paint over it, and trim the nails without taking off the polish. I'll have to do that eventually. Apparently there is the misconception that I chose to move to AZ over moving to PA because of a boy. This is incorrect, on all accounts - I've gone over the reasons for my change in other entries, so I'll just touch briefly on them. My sister needs me, I want to watch my nephew grow up, and the weather is amazing like Tampa, but less humid. The fact that I know people out there, and am interested in one, was never a factor - just a perk, should that route even be taken. The other day when I said that I was making decisions for my remaining time here in Tampa based more and more on Arizona, I was referring to opportunities for a last-minute fling here before going there... and I meant that I've decided not to take up those options here before going there. It's not really worth it to me. I hope that clears up the confusion - because I have never made decisions of this magnitude based on a man. Ever. Nor would I... and the fact that it was not only assumed, but also "called out" was pretty offensive. But, whatever. That is life, right? Misconceptions and over-reactions. If it's not one glass of spilled milk, it's another. I have a great neck... and collarbone. I'm finding myself attractive in less-than-conventional ways lately. My narcissism seems to know no ends. I watched 'Once' the other night, when I decided (after all) to stay in. I cried, as I expected to. It makes you think things will end up happily, like all movies - but it doesn't. It ends realistically. I say that I'm listening to Something Corporate, which is true - but I'm really just listening to 'Straw Dog' on repeat. I love this song. I need to find a way to stop biting my nails again. Stupid habits. I'm wearing a t-shirt over a tank top, but it's warm tonight so I'm not sure how long the t-shirt will last. I am happy today, even with the unbelievable drowsiness. This is the longest I've been awake in the last two days. Ooo... 'I Want To Save You'... that's a good one too... That is all. -Lisa. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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