.oO(Sometimes I blur the edges.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 17 March 2009: Pills, dreams, and honesty. I'm proud of myself, Diary. In the past week, I have been completely honest with people about things. In one situation, I think I was a very good friend. If I were in her position, I would want to know the information... so I told her, and she is glad to know. I am glad that I could give her closure, instead of keeping her in the dark. Even if it is not something that I would have wanted to hear, it's something that I would have needed to hear. In another situation, I was honest about my feelings for someone (who already knew, of course - I just outlined the whats and whys in one long, comprehensive email). I also asked for the same in return, and received it. I am not the kind to ask questions that I do not want to know the answer to... but I am the kind who can swallow my pride and ask the questions that I need the answers to. I am happy that I did - it keeps me grounded, and helps me keep up to date with my checks and balances. It also keeps me accountable for my feelings, and helps with my resolve to (should the fall come) go down kicking and screaming. I found the haircut that I want to get... don't judge me on this, but it's a Lohan haircut. We both are slim and have long, curly red hair - so I think that it's a safe way to find a hair cut. Besides - she sports the short layers and long hair... which would help me have my hair thinned out a bit and shorter, but lets me keep the length that I have fallen somewhat in love with (minus the kicking and screaming). It would be stylish, manageable, and easy to style in so many ways that I am addicted to (since I am still pretty hardcore with my obsession with glam). Did I tell you about the new pills that I am on? One stops my stomach from producing acids, one makes my stomach digest food easier. The doctor also told me to cut down the size of my meals, and to limit my intake of soda, spices, and tomato products (and oranges - and basically anything else that is acidic). He told me, and Italian, to limit tomato sauces and garlic (specifically). Sad times. I also will be scheduling an appointment to have a tube with a camera inserted through my throat, so they can see what is going on in my stomach and upper intestines. I need to find out what is going on with my stomach, and why I feel sick when I eat. Abstinence rules out pregnancy, so we're not sure what's going on. Speaking of pregnancy, I dreamt last night that I had a son - two, actually. They were young, most likely ages two and three/four. They both had my fiery red hair and hazel eyes. I also had dreams about sex that were fairly stellar... too bad alarm clocks are cock blocks. I've noticed in my dreams I usually have larger breasts - usually full B cups, or low C cups. That could just be happening because my modest A cups seem to be growing a little bit again (this time last year, they were growing too... but disappeared when I returned from Virginia). Maybe I have seasonal breast growth? Is that normal? Do any of you lovely ladies notice things like this, or is it just because I am so humbly endowed, that I notice growth? One of the pills I have to take has both 'drowsiness' and 'problems sleeping' as side effects. I laughed at this when I read it, and wasn't sure how that would work, exactly... but I'm not laughing now that I think I understand it. I take the pill and am drowsy - but when I sleep (at night, since I use energy drinks to keep me awake during work), I wake up just about every two hours. I fall right back asleep, but it is kind of annoying. I still can't tell if the new prescription shampoo is working... I think I might just have to deal with my scalp problem for the rest of my life. It started out of nowhere and there is no end in sight. Two prescriptions and dandruff shampoos seem to have no effect (which kind of makes sense, since the doctor said it isn't really 'dandruff', it just seems like it). Stupid production of random scalp oils. I'll be off work until Friday, after getting home from work tonight. I'm going to try to go out Thursday, I believe. I finally started cleaning, so I think I'll do a little more tonight (depending on how work goes), and work on it a lot tomorrow. I will at least clean out my refrigerator tomorrow. I've got to finish getting ready for work (I took a break to write all this out). I hope ya'll have a great day! -Lisa. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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