.oO(Sometimes I blur the edges.) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 07 March 2009: Waking up before the sun. I had moments of sudden, irrational rage throughout yesterday. I think part of it was the fact that I hate feeling incompetent - and when I can't get work done because it takes me too long to follow vague and sketchy instructions (while trying to find information from seven different sources on a monitor smaller than my laptop - without being able to use tabs)... it makes me frustrated. The frustration leads me to somewhat lash out on those who are not busy, or those who think that when they are on speaker phone they still need to lean in very close over my desk (thus placing their head directly in front of previously-mentioned monitor) with their torso over my keyboard - also slowing me down. It also doesn't help that there are four mouse(s) and two keyboards (none of which are wired in a way that helps keep them handy or where they need to be), and the screens are somewhat far away (but because the CPUs are all under the desk, I can't move in close enough to really see better). It also frustrates me that instead of being able to just walk over to someone or ask them to look over my shoulder for a second opinion - I have to call them and walk them through what I am looking at for their help. Or it could just be that yesterday was supposed to be my day off, but I had to go in. That is usually a good base for my random rage. I left work in a great mood - but transportation soon thwarted my said-good mood - in fact, had I know it would be an issue, I would have just gone grocery shopping. Of course. I need to call the bank soon - because this has got to stop. I dreamt about random and bizarre things - most of which I can understand how it ended up in my dreams... it's just weird in the way they all were strung together, even the small details. It was almost like a four-hour retarded symphony of visual and audio. The fact that there were scent and taste aspects added to the overall "what?" feeling that I woke up with (as well as my intense craving for chicken and broccoli). Usually when I wake up, it is in the early afternoon and I am able to order whatever random cravings my dreams give me - but since my schedule has been adjusted (for this weekend and next weekend), it is only 3am and I am therefore out of luck on this one. I wasn't planning on waking up for another hour, but I couldn't fall back asleep after that. I had originally planned (when I left work) to come home, have a few drinks, and go to sleep around nine or ten - then wake up around four, get ready, and go to work... but that didn't exactly work out. I ended up not getting home until about 7:30pm (two and a half hours after I was off work), staying up only until about 8:30pm, and going in to lay down. I had a bit of trouble falling directly to sleep (since I'm used to either still being at work or just waking up at that time, depending on the day of the week) - and got up at 9:30pm to make soup (since I was getting hungry) and take a phone call. I fell sleep around 10pm, woke up at 12:30am (and again at 2:30am). That is when I decided to just get up. I probably won't be able to take care of my Webkinz (since this is usually when the site is doing maintenance), but I'll check after I finish this. I am glad to have this opportunity to post something somewhat cohesive here - since I've been so scattered lately and mostly just been posting small, choppy blurbs. I'll also have a little extra time to shower, which is nice - and to take my time getting ready instead of procrastinating until I only have twenty minutes to do forty minutes of preparations. There are times when I don't mind waking up too early... because it does give me a little more pre-work flex time - but on the other hand, it changes my evening. I had been planning on starting to clean when I got home last night (if I didn't drink), and finishing it up after work tonight... now that doesn't seem like it will happen since I was too drowsy to start last night, and by the time I get home I'll have been up for sixteen hours (at least twelve of which at work), which always takes away my motivation. When I get home, I'll most likely check up on my 'online things' and then go to sleep. I absolutely have to clean Monday and Tuesday, at the latest. Although I am supposed to be off Tuesday, I'll have to go in for an hour or so for a mandatory class (but it is just a little bit of time, and it's in the afternoon), so it shouldn't be too bad. I added a new playlist to my Myspace page, finally. I included the JCB song (that I mentioned yesterday), and also put the Family Guy clip that I mentioned (incase you have not heard/seen them before [and were curious], now you can). There are also two of Luke's songs with his current band (The Gothenburg Address). I love their instrumentals... but, to be honest, I am completely biased toward Luke and anything creative he does (starting in 2005, when he was doing all of his own music under the name 'Raising Miss June', which was adopted as the band name, but then they redid the songs and I think they lost a little bit of feeling [although they were still good, it just wasn't the same]). His photography is amazing, as well - and his editing skills. He can take pictures that I've taken and love, and turn them into something so much better that I don't even like the originals anymore. It seems that everything he touches becomes beautiful - and the look he gets in his eye when I know that he is looking at me (through the computer screen) makes me feel so much more beautiful (I've spoken here randomly about the difference between 'being' and 'feeling', so I won't go into it again). That man has a gift for creative arts - and when he follows his whims, beautiful things happen. There are many people who I would let photograph me, or whom I would like to photograph me... but I would absolutely love for him to be able to. I want to always inspire him - but I will write about that another time, I'm sure. I'm beginning to lose my focus as I notice that my alarm is about to go off shortly, and time constraints always tend to scatter my thoughts. I will, however, say that I've had a handful of best friends throughout the years - here and there, distance always seeming to drive us apart... but he is the only person whom I've considered my best friend for so long (four years), in spite of the distance - and he is the only person who has ever thought so highly of me (not to discredit anyone else's feelings for me, but as the object of said feelings, I will say that he has both proven through word and action that my statement is true) for such a consecutive amount of time. Of course, I'll write more about this when I have time to write about my desire to always inspire him, I'm sure - so I'll move on for now. I thought it might be fun to post a blog by video - but I realized that I always take so much time to write these out in a way that makes sense and is somewhat fluid, as well as to ensure that I am using the words that I definitely mean to in the way I definitely mean to. It's taken nearly an hour to even write out this entry... including, of course, kowtowing to my little mental spurts that send me to open search pages for things that I will look into later, and reading little things here and there to refresh my memory. If I were to video blog, I would most likely have to write it out first, which negates the point in even video blogging in the first place. So I have, for the time being at least, put that idea on hold. *sings* "I'm Luke, I'm 5, and my dad's Bruce Lee - drives me around in his JCB..." Seriously... it's stuck in my head. I think I'll get ready for work and then make soup, if I have time. *sings* "I'm sitting on the toolbox. I'm so glad I'm not in school, Boss..." Yeah... I'm fragmented now. That means it's time to go. Have a great day, ya'll. -Lisa. PS: I'm feeling a lot better, for the record. It's been over a week since I became sick - and the medicine seemed to have helped. I still get nauseous from time to time (usually after eating), and my intestines are still cramping up and showing their lack of enthusiasm - but it's not nearly as bad as it was last week. PSS: It's too soon to really know if the new doctor's shampoo prescription is working - but I should know by the end of next week. Two weeks is a decent amount of time in which to chart prescription effectiveness, right? PPSS: *sings* "...and we're holding up the bypass - me and my dad, having a top laugh..." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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