...I want something that is overwhelming. I want something that fills me so completely with happiness at the slightest thought. I want something so intense that it is hard for me not to split open and scream at the top of my lungs just how much I love him. I want the love I feel to actually feel like a feeling... not just a fact that I am admitting to because I know that I cannot deny it. I want a love that gives me giddy laughter instead of tears - and if there are tears, I want them to be because I am so happy and lucky, not because I am sad. I want something that is so deep that it is nearly spiritual, and maybe I want it to be. I want something long-term. I want something serious. I want titles - to be a girlfriend, and to have a boyfriend. I want to not be so afraid of commitment. I want something that will turn in to engagement, and marriage, and maybe even children. I want to be swept off of my feet. I want someone who makes me feel protected, small, beautiful, elegant, clever, safe, secure. I want someone who could be my world. I want someone to step in and say, 'It will be okay. I can handle all of this and all of you.' I want someone who can handle my baggage, even when it is not too heavy for me. I want someone who can handle my mood swings, and my bipolar tendencies. I want someone who will provide for me - who will take me out of the work force and settle me happily in the kitchen. I want to be adored. I want to be doted upon. I want to feel special. I want someone who is a dream to come true. And speaking of dreams...

...I want a house that is beautiful. I want inspiration and motivation. I want a muse. I want an indoor smoking room. I want a pool that is not used by the entire apartment complex of my neighbors. I want dust to never land in my bathroom, and wet footprints to dry instantly on my floor mats. I want the meaning of life, or at least meaning in my life. I want men to not becoming so romantically attached to me if I am not going to reciprocate the feeling. I want it to be easier to tie up loose ends and burn bridges. I want to be stronger emotionally and mentally. I want to make it one week without crying, and one month without some new stress coming up. I want the random bleeding wound on my head to heal, and the bump on my neck (and the bump at the top of my neck/base of my hair) to go away just as quickly as they appeared. Or I at least want to know where all three came from, and whether or not I should be worried about them.

I want to be a mafia wife, because I would be good at that.

I want to fall asleep at a decent time, sleep through my night, and wake up refreshed.

I want July to stop getting closer, and professional stress to just disappear until after July. I want to not remember what July means to me. I want to have no experienced July in the first place.

And right now, I want a sandwich.