For the record, I do not try to be so difficult - but it's hard to find a balance between not being naive and not holding the mistakes of others against someone. I also do not try to be so hard to reach. I try not to be so bipolar. I try not to be so weak.

Or, to be a little more correct (and maybe a little more fair), I at least try not to show that I am all of those things.

I miss having a competent computer. I need to get this fixed. I have no real life outside of home and work... so while home, I need something to occupy my time. I refuse to get cable (or satellite or anything else) because I wouldn't watch it enough to be worth it. And I need to have my computer for more than a few minutes at a time so that I could keep in touch better with my friends... I miss my friends. I miss my best friends. I hate talking on the phone (because I feel like it's a waste of time - it takes twenty minutes to pass two minutes of information, since you have to go over the generic 'hey, how are you?' nonsense). There are things that I want to learn about that I cannot do without the internet. There are things I want to do that I cannot do without the internet. Projects that I want to work on and whatnot. So. I need to get this fixed.

I need to take time off. I am hoping that my leave for next week will be approved... I just need some time away from obligations in order to straighten a few things out in my mind. I've just been such a wreck for the past few weeks, and really need to get things into place, or at least under control. I've been hearing music again. I don't like that. When I was on my way home from Balad, I started hearing music. It sounded like someone at the other end of the tent was listening to it. I could hear it distinctly, but not clearly enough to recognize it. I've heard it a few times since then, usually isolated incidents and usually when I am very stressed. I've heard it for about two days now - not constant, but when it is quiet. Music is better than voices, right?

So. Maybe I really am just going crazy.